Motherhood = going crazy one day at a time!

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Lesson today

Whilst going through the loft the other night I found a letter to myself that I could only open when I was married. I also had written one to my future husband.
It was pretty cool to read.
I still haven't let Dru read the one for him. I think with all my sorting I packed it up again and forgot where I put it. Oh well.
One thing that struck me though was my testimony!
It was really great to read!
Today I taught the death lesson in church!
I think it was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I still can't believe I did it.
I'm not even a permanant teacher, just a one time sub!!
Anyway I was crying before I got up to the pulpit. Never a good sign......................it just went downhill from there!!
I think I lost it a couple of times. One time pretty bad..............I think I was actually sobbing and had to get a much needed hug from a sister in the room.
I was asked if I could keep going, it was pretty sad.
I don't know if I ever stopped really crying the whole lesson.
My fathers' death is still so hard for me even more so because of how he died.
BUT in doing this lesson I got to study Joseph Smith's words.
What a great prophet and truly great man he is. What brilliant and inspired words he had to say.
I think I'll always be hanging onto the lesson and those words my whole life.
I have a testimony of this gospel and it's teachings.
Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through.
And through reading that letter to myself I've realized how I've always had this testimony of the gospel and my saviour.
I think it's going to take a while before I can outwardly 'rejoice' the passing of a loved one, but I can work on it right?
I think in a lot of ways I do rejoice though.
I rejoice to know where he is and what he's doing.
I rejoice to know I'm going to see him again and be able to talk to him.
I rejoice because of the truthfulness I have in my life.
Most importantly though I rejoice in my saviour, because without him, all of us would be lost, and none of us would be seeing anyone in wonderful situations.
What would I do without this truth?
Probably not be able to rejoice about anything to do with death, that's for sure.
I'm pretty glad today's over, but I'm grateful for the experience, I think!
Nah I am.

13 comments:

Carrie said...

I'm sorry I missed your lesson. I've heard LOTS of good about it. It was always interesting to me when I was a R.S. teacher, that the lessons I was scheduled to give were the lessons that I needed in my life at that exact time. I learned more from my lessons than anyone else did, I'm sure. Thanks for sharing your testimony with us. It's very much appreciated.

Sarah said...

Melissa, I am very happy and proud of you for making it thru. I, too, heard wonderful things about the lesson from red-eyed ladies in the hall. I know that you were not the only one in tears. And, even if you were sobbing up at the front, I'd hope that those listening understood. I agree that you'll be blessed for not backing out of giving that lesson.

I just had a very good childhood friend whose brother committed suicide. I find joy in knowing that she finds comfort (not joy yet, but comfort) in the understanding that it was just a split second of his life. Had it been another split second, he probably wouldn't have made the same choice...and that God understands all of our split seconds and will judge compationately based on knowing our emotions and life individually. I hope whatever was said by a nieve relief society sister can be taken in stride.

Again, way to go getting over this one.

Laura said...

I am glad that it is over for you too. However I wish I would have been there as everyone I spoke to said it was a GREAT lesson. Thanks for sharing your testimony, it helped me today! Love You!!!

Leslie said...

You didn't say anything last night when we were talking about teaching R.S. and lessons! I'm proud of you for teaching that lesson, I'm sure it was difficult though I'm also sure you did a wonderful job. I too, have struggled through the years with my dad's death, though the circumstances were different. Sometimes the loss is so deeply felt that it doesn't take much to make it seem fresh. I appreciate reading your testimony, it strengthens everyone around you. It's a good way to begin the day!

Colleen said...

I am sorry you had a rough time getting through the lesson, but I think it sounds like you were meant to teach that lesson.

I will always be grateful for the plan of salvation and I know your dad will be glad to see you again too.

That is cool that you have those letters. We made time capsules when I was in young women's so I can open mine in 2013. It will be fun to read the letters in mine too.

Brooke said...

Way to go on the lesson. I'm sure it was a well taught lesson with much insight for everyone.

Kristin said...

ditto ditto ditto ditto ditto ditto
Amen sistah.

Robyn said...

You were the right one to teach that lesson. I've done the "death" lesson the last 2 years. Last years was on the anv. of Kazen's passing. It sucked!

You did an amazing job. I was so humbled to feel and hear of your testimony. I too am so grateful for the gospel. As I commented, I think I would still be curled up in fetal position if I didn't have the knowledge of eternal families and the power of the atonement to help me with the pain. Thank you so much for strengthening my testimony!

Holby said...

That's such a coincidence you and I found those letters. Great minds think alike, ay?

I also had the opportunity to teach the death lesson the week before, but for me it was more a lesson on eternal life. I've never lost anyone quite as close to me as you have. My heart goes out to you. I thought a lot about my aunt Julie during the lesson and even mentioned her (another common thread in our friendship). She is still sorely missed, especially at our traditional family gatherings. Life goes on and new lives come into the family as others are lost for a short time.

I'm grateful for the work that can be done for the dead. It simply shows the great love and mercy the Lord has for all his children. We all get a chance.

I have been discussing plans with my grandma to do the Temple work for Julie in the Twin Falls Temple after it is dedicated in August.

Emily said...

Melissa,

I am inspired of how brave you are to have done that lesson, and how beautifully grateful and real, and stalwart you are to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was particularily grateful, for Emma and Joseph tragicaly burying so many of their little ones, and dear close family members and friends, for the purpose of adding a dimmension of realness to their testimony of death and the realness of the resurrection, and restoration, and the quest for peace and hope in this life through it. I am so sorry for the pain and sorrow you've experienced in your Dad's death, and am so inspired of your poignant testimony, pain is a hard lot to wade through, hearing your words, I see it making your convictions that much more stark, and your joy, though painful joy, all that more inspiring. I know that kind of attitude you have is a choice, and a very difficult choice, and a process. We all shudder at experiences such as you've experienced, and I can only hope I would be able to meet that sort of thing with all its pain and suffering with a porition of the convictions and hope you've meted. I am especially happy of your joy in the Savior, and thank you for your example and help in my life, and your closeness to him helps me all the more...I do love you Melissa.

Katie M said...

I was so happy to be there with you. Your lesson was incredible and you really did a great job. It was funny to be balling my eyes out with you and then cracking up another minute. You have always been a pillar of strength and I'm so grateful to have you as one of my bestest friends. I really do think that you were the best person for that lesson and Tiffany was certainly inspired to ask you to teach it. I'm so glad I was able to be there.

Love ya girl!

Katie

Gunnisac Sandersons said...

This is so touching. I had no idea that your father had passed. I am so sorry to hear that. What a great testimony.

Mandi Lloyd said...

I was bawling through this same lesson in my ward. It is so hard to loose a parent. I'm just glad we believe what we believe.